I got to thinking- Steph wasn't using her diary in the first issue of Batgirl! She was using thought boxes like all the other squares! Then I couldn't resist...

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Dear Diary,

Today was the weirdest day ever. There I was, finalizing my classes for college on my piece-of-crap computer, when I look over and...BAM! There's Cass in her super creepy  costume standing right next to me.

So of course I screamed and threw papers all over the place. And then she catches them all in two seconds, the little showoff.

"Cass! I told you not to do that!" I croak at her. But she ignores me and says, "Want to go fight crime?"

And I really, really do, because college is stressing me out and beating up people releases stress for me. But I'll probably just screw up monumentally again or something, and nobody wants me to fight crime because THEY think I'll screw up. But I'll be with Cass, so I can't get into too much trouble, can I? So I say "sure," and get my Spoiler costume on.

While I'm dressing, Cass searches my entire room. She doesn't understand the concept of privacy, that girl. Anyway, she finds my acceptance letter. When I come out she's got this huge smile on her face and she tells me how great she thinks that is. Poor Cass doesn't even have a high school education. Her reading skills are still pretty much crap, despite all those fabulous "classes" she took. She can skim and pick up the basics pretty well now, but actual reading? No. And everyone just believes her when she tells them she can read! They don't even bother to check! I want to work with her some on that when I find the time, but I'm not the best teacher. Someone like Barbara should be handling it, honestly, but she's busy being angry and flying off to Tokyo according to Cass.

But anyway, Cass is totally psyched I'm going to college. Apparently, nobody thought I would bother. Gee, that's encouraging. I tell Cass I always thought I would go, I just wasn't sure I'd, you know, live long enough to graduate high school. She gets all quiet at that. Quieter than usual, I mean. Cass has been great about my... "leave of absence". She didn't get all angry like Tim. Cass was brainwashed and did some bad things recently, so she seems to think she's not in a position to judge anyone for their mistakes, which is total crap of course, but you know how Cass gets, Diary. So mostly, she seems too happy I'm alive to be angry at me for faking my death. It's really nice.

Anyway, she asks me what I want to do after I graduate. I tell her I'm not sure. I like to write. I could go into athletics, of course. I like the idea of sort of...well, if I'm going to quit being Spoiler, the knowledge could come to some use. I could teach a martial arts class here for young girls? God knows girls in this city would need it. I don't know. I'm uncertain about my future in and out of spandex, I guess.

Cass gets all quiet again as we go out patrolling the streets. It's typical for her to be quiet, but she seems distracted.. We run into some guys trying to smuggle drugs into the city via the docks. God, I hate drugs. So anyway, we got into it with them. It was really nice working with Cass. She's so good I always push myself harder when she's around. In the old days, I'd hardly ever get to get to fight dangerous guys with her, she'd always be knocking me out in order to "protect me". But here, we worked together as a team. And I did good! Cass seemed to have faith in me to hold my own. Which is weird, considering I'm an even bigger screw up now I was then.

I tease her again about her "chattiness" and she teases me right back about flip-flopping on being Spoiler. She tries to use the world "self delusion" and totally mangles the pronunciation. Not to mention she's takes out twelve thugs in the time it takes her to stutter out the sentence (I know, Diary, normally twelve thugs take five seconds for her, but she always slows it down when she's with me) Cass should just stop trying to use big words before she's ready and just be herself, honestly. She needs a lot more practice before she's ready to be loquacious, but she just keeps rushing it!

I'm trying to figure out a way of telling her this after the fight when suddenly she just starts undressing. Right there. In front of me. At first I've got this crazy idea she wants to proposition me, but she has that boyfriend, doesn't she? What's his name? Sam? Solomon? Sardine? Yeah, she hooked up with this guy and he's all perfect and he has a similar past to her. I mean, really similar. He says he was mute for seven years or something and he's seen people get killed. Sound familliar? Because of this, I'm pretty convinced he must be robot or her clone. I'm leaning toward clone, Cass would have noticed if he was a robot. Either way, he's bad news and he's probably been sent to seduce and kill her.  I've been trying to break this to her as well, but there hasn't been a good moment...

So anyway, I have to turn around because Cass is taking off her costume. In the rain. In front of a pile of unconscious thugs. And she starts talking about how no one will admit he's gone. She means Bat Bruce. She's taking his death really hard. Only one taking it harder would be Tim, I guess. But Cass- well, Bruce adopted her a while ago. She was so excited when she told me. I was a little taken aback. I'd always assumed he'd ALREADY adopted her. I mean, what the hell took him so long? Cass loves him. She loves him like a Dad, almost, but he's never treated her like a daughter. But I just told her congrats and it was long time coming, which of course it was.

And then, she calls me one night and tells me he's dead. I can hardly understand her, she's crying so much. I''ll never get used to Cass crying, though I've seen her do it twice: once when she thought she killed that Shadow Thief guy and once when I came back. She was really broken up.

Hearing Batman was gone was like a punch to the stomach, honestly. Batman and I were never close. Not as close as I wanted to be. When I was little, I revered him. As Spoiler and Robin, I defied him. And I failed him. For a while, I resented him. But when I came back? He welcomed me. He forgave everything. It was...well, I guess I owe him for that. So yeah, it was hard for me too. And I cried along with Cass.

But I had to carry on. I tried to carry out Bruce's "plan" for Tim, in honor of his passing. Of course, that turned out fabulous. Not. So after that, I just decided to move on.

But Cass couldn't. She always looked up to him as an idol. She loved him so much, in her own way.

So basically she says "I can't fight under the Bat symbol anymore". And I'm not looking at her, of course, because it's really uncomfortable watching her undress. I want to tell her just because Bruce is dead doesn't mean the Bat is dead, but I let her finish. This has obviously been weighing on her a long time, and no one's talked it out with her. She's tried so hard to honor Bruce's legacy, setting up the Network and all, but that's all dissolved now so she feels like she's failed, I guess.

The she says something really weird. "Now the fight is yours".

So I turn around and...BAM! She's gone.

I hate it when she does that.

And there's this Batgirl costume on the roof.

I call her name for a few more minutes, but she ain't coming back. So I tie up the thugs on my own, leave a sticky note (I don't have a Spoiler sticky note, so I use my old Robin ones. Tim or whoever Robin is now would be upset, but I don't care) and call the police.

And since I don't know what to do with the costume, I take it home.

So now it's sitting in my closet, STARING at me. Creepily.

"Now the fight is yours". Does she want me to wear her costume? I'm worried about her. What the hell is she planning to do? She always said the Bat symbol was something worth fighting for and now she's giving it up? Bruce dying just shook her up so much. She finally had what she considered the "perfect" father, and now he's gone.

Dammit.

I'm trying her cell. No answer.

She really trusts me to carry on the Batgirl mantle? I mean, me? It's pretty flattering. I mean, at least one person doesn't think I'm a screw up.

Someone has to  know about Cass. Problem is, Tim's skipped town and I don't know how to contact any of the others. Dick might be in the Batcave, but I don't know him that well.

Barbara would be the best bet, but I have NO idea where she's shacked up now.

I bet Barbara could track Cass down. Heck, she could track Tim down for me too. Cass told me she has a camera that watches Dick wherever he goes. I found that pretty creepy, but Cass is pretty sure he knows about it, considering he poses for it and all. So maybe she has a TimCam too. And a CassCam. Oh god, what if she has a StephCam? This makes me paranoid.

God, I feel so confused.

I wish I could take my eyes off Cass's costume. I wonder how it would feel, wearing the Bat. I wonder if it would feel any different. I wonder if I'd be a better crimefighter, just by wearing it.

Cass did want me to carry on...

Maybe I can just try it on. See if it fits.

After I wash it. Cass got it pretty sweaty.

-Steph


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That was kind of fun. I'm glad I decided to do that instead of homework!

Maybe that wasn't such a good idea...

I might do more of this later, I have a couple more ideas.